Thinking Out Loud

The Conversation You Want To Have . . . Or Should Have?

We have a tendency to mentally rehearse anticipated difficult conversations. Often with these we tell someone off, explaining why we acted a certain way or what they did wrong. Frequently we take a self-righteous tone. These conversations rehearsed are usually not the ones we end up having, if indeed we have them at all. An exercise like this is a good way to blow off steam, making it possible to focus on what really might be constructive, especially if we remember that there are two people in the conversation.  Read More

Maintaining Narrative Integrity

Okay, that’s a bit of a highfaluting title and since I’m not one for jargon, I won’t use it again. It came out of a conversation with a friend.  We were discussing an observation he had, and the two of us were trying to come up with a name for it. Actually, it is descriptive and a message to the listener. So, what does it really mean?  Read More

Introverts and Extroverts, Revisited


Some years ago I wrote a post about introverts and extroverts to clarify the relationships between introversion, extroversion, interpersonal, and intrapersonal processing (click here). I think it’s time to revisit the discussion, furthering it a bit.

Those who are strong interpersonally, the thinking-out-loud-seeking-engagement types can be introverts or extroverts. Likewise, the intrapersonally strong—those who need to seek inner clarity before they meaningfully engage with others—can also be either introverts or extroverts.  Read More

Devoting Resources

Change is tricky business, especially when it comes to relationships. First, there’s a challenge involved—acceptance, which is about a sober recognition of the way things really are. Acceptance is not acquiescence, but it is a starting point for “real” change. Without acceptance we tend to watch and wait for the other person to do the changing, and when they don’t it fuels our inclination to blame them . . . and blame, of course, does not encourage collaboration toward solutions or resolution. Read More