Thinking Out Loud

In intimate relationships we come to know the other in great detail—how they think, feel, what they believe, their quirks, preferences, etc. Knowing and being known is important to our sense of well being. The familiarity implies security. The relationships of couples demonstrate this like no other. The special bond of living together and observing and absorbing the world of the other allows a unique opportunity—an opportunity to feel, sense, and anticipate the behavior of your loved one. Couples often take pride in being able to finish each other’s sentences, sense when the coffee cup needs refilling. You can observe the tiredness in the eyes, the sadness in the sound of the voice. Their joy is your joy, too. Read More

I’ve always talked a lot. Those who knew me as a young child tell stories about how much I loved to talk. When you’re a cute, curly haired three-year old it can be delightful. My son talked a lot, too, and his daughter probably talks more than both of us combined.

Fortunately, when I was a novice counselor, I was exposed to some master listeners who impressed on me the importance of quieting down. As a counselor you must understand the other person in some depth before you can have much to say. Understanding does not occur by talking a lot, nor does it happen easily or quickly. I’m not advocating that day to day interaction be based on counseling principles. But, I am advocating for more listening. Read More