Thinking Out Loud

Professional opera singers have voice coaches and professional baseball players have batting coaches. What they tend to emphasize are the fundamentals, and so it is with practicing good communication. Read More

My early experience in counseling was primarily with children. Working with children requires flexibility and creativity, and through studying the work of Clark Moustakas and Virginia Axline, I learned that communication in play takes many forms—words, behavior, symbols, and feelings. And, of course, there is the primacy of the working relationship. This nuanced and textured experience taught me to listen with my whole body and set the stage for further exploration into the world of individual communication styles. Read More

“Jeff, wouldn’t it be great to take a trip to Italy to see all that magnificent art?”

“Jamie, you know we can’t afford that. You’re always coming up with these expensive ideas that are way out of line with our budget.”

I’ve heard this conversation in various forms at least five hundred times in the past 30 years. It’s the type that goes nowhere, resulting in bad feelings between the two parties. Read More

Interpersonal conflict is often perpetuated by each person trying to convince the other: “I’m right, you’re wrong.”

I’m right, you’re wrong — at first glance this looks like a win/lose proposition, but actually it’s a lose/lose. I’m pretty certain I’ve said to every single couple I’ve ever counseled, “You’re both trying very hard to convince each other that you are right.” Followed by, “When you find yourself in convincing mode, stop the conversation. It’s not going anywhere.” In the counseling office this seems obvious. In the heat of conflict it’s easy to lose sight of this truth. Read More